My trashcan...

...sprouted some foots today and started kicking me from under the desk.

I nonchalantly moved it about an arms length thinking that if it couldn't reach me but it just walked over because it had feet.

Is it mad because of the balsamic vinegar that leaked through the liner?

No one likes being sticky.

I need to remember some toenail clippers on Monday. I don't want scars to spoil my shin-modelling career.

That's my income, you know.